the silent cry

an ambiguous voice permeates my generation

we call to you in silence
without words and without intention
but we cry to you nonetheless

through the grudges we hold
through our sexual encounters
through lonely isolation
through lies and deception
through inflated egos
through ambivalence and apathy...
our spirits scream for something more
for more than a feeling
more than a name

every misguided step we take
beseeches the grace of Hosanna
to fill every void inside

-Charlie Kenny

God the Artist

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse
Romans 1:20

Just as an artist leaves a piece of himself in his work, so does God reveal Himself in His creation. Look around in nature, and you'll see the Maker in what has been made. This last weekend, some middle school students and I spent an unforgettable two days camping and rock climbing in some remote area of northern California. It was absolutely breathtaking.
I wrote some haiku-like poems in response:

Tree God
You are tall and mighty
ancient, but fully alive.
Always reaching out.
Giver of good gifts
you're a refuge from the rain
and the wind and the sun.

Grass of the Field
Innumerable.
Nourishing beasts of the earth
growing every day.
gentle to the touch
thin emeralds in the sun
still reaching higher.

Canyon River
The great river flows
peace and chaos all in one
pure and relentless.

Rocky Mountain
Towering mountain
unshakable foundation
stand firm in great strength.

Set Apart. Part 2

There is a certain individual, a very passionate young woman, who is making quite a name for herself in the Bay Area Christian culture. (To avoid the risk of provoking an unnecessary confrontation, I will refrain from using her real name. She will be referred to from here on out as "Betty")

Betty is on the forefront of what I like to call "the revival." She is bound and determined to spur her fellow young people on to living lives completely dedicated to God. Betty calls for her peers to raise the bar for ethical standards and be more conscious of what we consume. (i.e. various forms of media, drugs) In order to get this message across, she organizes this annual event (name omitted) with speakers and a band or two and she even preaches her heart on the issue.

We need to be different. We need to change the world. We need to be set apart.

First of all…I would like to commend her for her efforts. Our generation is frustratingly apathetic and so willing to compromise their values; no one cares anymore. It’s so unusual to see someone with such scrupulous determination. I love Betty’s heart, love it.

However, to be frank, what she puts on i not unlike other similar events - The Gathering of the Unashamed, any Mexico Mission trip, any theme weekend for a Christian camp, the triennial CHIC conference. It’s got the same urgent, “call to arms” message that we’ve all heard countless times, complete with that fleeting, life-changing burst of passion that expires halfway out the door.

There is no doubt in my mind that these events are needed; people forget and people get complacent and distracted. But after 4-5 years of attending these revivals, I’ve grown pretty bored of hearing the same old message and receiving the same momentary revolutionary feelings. It’s become so routine, so superficial. It’s like we’re always stuck in this initial stage of "I need to change."

I recently had a conversation with Betty. When I asked her how she was living out this "call to
action," I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for. In so many words, she told me:

I lead worship at my church. I lead a small group for high school ministry. Of course I do [insert name of revival event] every year. I'm straight-edge and I don't curse. I don’t watch rated R movies and I definitely don’t sleep around.

Okay…cool. Me too.

But I was hoping she’d tell me, how Jesus is calling her to live beyond herself. I wanted her to tell me, for example, about her relationship with people at work. Something about patience or humility? Or how she might be sacrificing her time? Taking care of the sick? Maybe tutoring kids for free? What about the way she uses her words; do they build up? Or do they tear down? How about the way she uses her money and resources? Is she a giver? Does she live simply? I don’t know. There’s a million other things I can ask. I guess I was simply unsatisfied with her answer.

I didn’t want to hear about how she shuts herself up inside her little Christian bubble and participates in her Christian hobbies with her Christian friends. That's not being different. It's not changing the world.

There’s just got to be something more to being “set apart.” I'd wager Jesus had something else in mind.

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:5-11

Set Apart . Part 1

"Balls"

In the beginning, the church had it right.
Jesus won the fight; he brought us out of the dark of night
and to His great delight we walked in light.
We followed Christ's holy vision,
But by some poor decision came great division.
We looked for a reason to hate, to desecrate and annihilate.
Devoid of grace, we judge on race
and spit in one another's face.
Without apology, we bash others' political ideology
We look down and harass people who are "lower" class.
Somewhere down the line our hearts were infected.
Barriers were erected and, in essence,
the greatest commandment was rejected.
Now here we are, judging and hating what makes us admirable.
Valuable. Lovable.
I believe Jesus calls us all to have the balls to break down these walls.
To forget about his abnormality, or her nationality,
my personality, your legality,
or even their sexuality.
We've got to abandon this bigoted mentality,
this logical fallacy, and all the verbal and mental brutality...to embrace His reality. His love. His love that rebuilds us, fulfills us.
Heals us, reveals things to us.
That gives us hope and helps us cope.
His love that changes our hearts and gives us new starts,
that makes amends and above all else transcends.

By: Charlie Kenny

The above poem (called "Balls") was written a little under a year ago. Back in December, I was hanging out with some friends - Christian friends, I might add - at someone's house watching the 2nd Season of some show. As we watched the plot unfold on the screen, I found myself profoundly distracted and disturbed by the conversations that peppered our time together.

Stupid Asian drivers. Dirty Mexicans crossing our borders. Fags. Crazy liberals ruining our country. Whoreish classmates.

...Excuse me?

I refrained from adding to these exchanges; I was simply paralyzed with curiosity. These people grew up in the Church. They go to youth group every week, and have small groups. None of them drink. None of them do drugs. I'm fairly certain they're all virgins. They don't swear. They're all just honest, hardworking young men and women. They follow all the rules. How could such things be coming out of their mouths?

Then it hit me. (Not that I didn't know "it" before, but the gravity of "it" had finally sunk in.)

Following the rules is not what sets Christians apart.
It never has been.
Romans 2-4 talks about how the written Law of the Old Testament is no longer the final standard for righteousness. The Law is a tool for self-assessment, and is truly a moral code worthy of adherence, but it is not what will save us. Rather, our acceptance of His sacrifice for us. It is our trust in Jesus - His character, His ways, His promises, His accomplishments and how these things affect us -that saves us.

Anyone can follow rules. Anyone can pursue a disciplined lifestyle. Athletes do it. Scholars do it. Artists do it. Businesses do it. Governments do it. Ethics. Preparation. Assembly. Exercise. It's nothing new.
What makes Christians different - in theory - is the unconditional love they have learned to pour out on others. Jesus said it, Himself, "all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:35)

Come out, come out, wherever you are...

The Lord speaks.
I haven't fully identified God's method of communication in my life, but He's definitely spoke to me through a variety of mediums: people's words, His Word, my environment, internal conviction...and through (often strange, and sometimes cheesy) metaphors.

Once again, I briefly met with my mentor Carlos. I don't know how we got on the topic, but he asked me why I wasn't going on this retreat with my church's Young Adult Ministry to Lake Don Pedro. I didn't want to go in to it, so the short answer to his question was simply that I had chosen not. I didn't want to spend the money, and I didn't like water sports.

You'd think that would be the end of it. Not quite. Carlos invited me in to his office and he put a penny on a table. "This is you..." he said, pointing to the penny."...and this is what you're doing." He produced a small paper cup and put it over the penny. "What's going on here?"

Being the smart-ass I am, I replied that I was under a cup. Carlos ignored that comment and urged me to comply. I tried "isolation", "comfort zones", "narrow-mindedness" and they were not what he was looking for. Those terms were centered on myself, he noted. I was not sure what he was looking for, but the word just popped up in my head: "hiding."

Bingo.

Carlos reminded me how God has created each of us with a purpose. He's planted treasures within us that can only be revealed through engaging in relationship with community. He told me I was an exceptionally wise, discerning young man; I see things clearly with an almost prophetic insight. My authenticity and love for others can change people's lives. Because that's just "the kind of person [I] am." But I have the unfortunate habit of withdrawing from people, therefore I have the habit of denying my creator the opportunity to use me as I've been designed. Not only that, I deny myself the opportunity to learn and grow.

The conclusion to his explanation was simply "stop it."

I was taken aback by this assertion. But after a few minutes, I realized he's not entirely wrong (and I'm not talking about how amazing I am.) I know when I'm not feeling my best - when I'm depressed, or uncomfortable, or tired, or just "not in the mood" - I tend to isolate myself. I don't necessarily know why that is. Probably a method of self-defense. Maybe I don't want people to see me when I'm down. Maybe I just don't want to see them. I don't really know.

Regardless of why, I know I do it. Therefore, there's a very high possibility that I might be missing out on something. The opportunity to love on others, to serve others. The opportunity to learn and to grow as a person.

Treadmill Haiku

stretch, walk, breathe, now sprint.
I'm running on a treadmill,
still getting nowhere.

sit with me

breath heavy.
back aching.
legs shaking, spirit breaking. heart pounding.
moans and cries sounding.
sweat pouring.
wanna fall to my knees;
this weight's too much!
seemingly without support and without a crutch
wanna cry for your healing touch.
so i do.

you need not turn around
to see me on the ground
under a mountain of troubles.
you only urge: "lay it down.
lay it down. lay it down."

sweet voice. scarred hands
bring me out of the dirt.

your words unto me:
sit with me, my child.
let's rest for a while.
you've been holding on to all the wrong things
storing them up and holding them tight.
cast this weight of your back;
for my yoke is easy, my burden is light.

don't you worry bout a thing
i can handle everything you've got
already have.
did what you could not.

wound? healed. fate? sealed.
bridge built by blood split;
no more guilt.
battle? won. shackles? undone.
IT IS DONE.

so lay it down. lay it down. lay it down.

Celebrating Freedom

Originally I was gonna post this on the 4th of July, since it seemed so appropriate, but I decided to sleep in and be lazy.

My family didn't do much for Independence Day. It was a real small gathering this year.

This may sound horribly unpatriotic and unorthodox, but I actually don't affiliate myself very closely with my country. Don't get me wrong; I love living here. I love the U.S. and what it stands for. I believe in democracy and the growth that its struggle brings. I am thankful for the freedoms our forefathers have won for us, and I have a tremendous respect for those who fight for us in the Armed Forces (my cousin Mario, for one.)

However, I don't necessarily place my identity in being an American. And why should I? Who, but man, ordained this piece of land to be the United States? What is it more than a geographic location inhabited by a population of humans with a distinct - yet very comprehensive - culture? I don't really know where I'm going with this; I just don't think it's wise to put our identities in man-made institutions (i.e. schools attended, frats/sororities joined, companies employed by, states born in etc.)

There's no doubt that there are many advantages and freedoms that come with being born in this country. I feel like I shouldn't have to elaborate. If you disagree...too bad, go read our Constitution.

This is so cliche, but oh so pertinent...I want to acknowledge the freedom that comes in our allegiance to Christ.

I just started reading this little book called Sit, Walk, Stand by Watchman Nee, a renowned martyr and church-planter in communist China. His three chapter, 70-page short work of wisdom is based on Ephesians, and talks about our position in relation to God, the physical world around us, and Satan.

The first chapter, called "sit", deals with our initial relationship to God. Upon salvation, Nee argues, we are to enter into His presence "with an acceptance by faith of what God has done..." Jesus wants us to receive what He has for us: freedom from sin. We came into this world predisposed to the curse of the sins of our fathers, but Jesus provided a way out. He wants us to rest in the knowledge that everything has been taken care of.

We're off the hook; Jesus paid the price. He won the fight. He bridged the gap. He filled the hole inside. He loosened the chains. He took on the burden. He satisfied the requirements of the law.

His desire is to share this victory with us. Ephesians says that "God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms." (2:6) In Christ - through the cross - we sit with God and to rest in Him and receive the gift of His sacrifice.

We're set free from sin; we're no longer bound to its solely deleterious and inhibiting effects on our heart, mind, body and soul. The power of sorrow, shame, sickness, pain, hunger, anger, hopelessness and death no longer have a hold on us who have been saved because God lives in us, and greater is He who lives in us than he who is in the world (1 John 4:4). We are free to live life the way it was meant to be: fully and abundantly.

Hallelujah.

Intervention

de·pres·sion - \di-ˈpresh-ən\ noun an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a (1): a state of feeling sad (2): a mood disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide b: a reduction in functional activity, amount, quality, or force


Depression, I am convinced, runs in my family. My mother, my brother Nick, and many of my extended relatives continuously go through seasons of deep emotional lows. Whether they acknowledge this or not, I know that I definitely struggle with this.

People who are depressed aren't just sad. It's not something one can just "shake off" or "get over." Our emotional state is controlled by the delivery of chemicals called neurotransmitters to various parts of our brain. These chemicals have stimuli, and they make us feel a certain way. When someone is depressed, these regulatory hormones do not function properly and therefore throws one's mood out of balance - usually to a negative extreme.

According to the Mayo Clinic, certain factors predispose people to the susceptibility this mental condition:

• Having other biological relatives with depression
• Having family members who have taken their own life
• Stressful life events (financial, relational, medical etc.)
  
• Having a depressed mood as a youngster
• Illness, such as cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's or HIV/AIDS
• Long-term use of certain medications, such as some drugs used to control high blood pressure, sleeping pills or, occasionally, birth control pills
• Certain personality traits, such as having low self-esteem and being overly dependent, self-critical or pessimistic
• Alcohol, nicotine and drug abuse
• Having recently given birth
• Being in a lower socioeconomic group

*red = my own experiences

I've struggled with depression for about 3 years, beginning in my junior year of high school. (That's when I first noticed it) In the beginning, it was because I was overworked and felt like my life was too one-dimensional; ALL I did in my last two years of high school was homework. My life was centered around school, and I hated that something so temporary and trivial to the big picture governed my life.

Now, it's because I'm unsatisfied with where I am. Life is a lot more balanced, but I feel like it lacks meaning and healthy relationship. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and doing so with no one by my side. For a more in depth explanation, go to "Looking Back Part 2"

This struggle has always been internal. I would very carefully seek advice and prayer from others, but I would try so hard not seek their shoulder to cry on. Whining and moaning might have been my initial response, but somewhere along the line, I concluded people didn't wanna hear about it. Maybe because I didn't wanna hear about it. Regardless, I never thought this inner battle was ever waged beyond the confines of my own brain.

Apparently, I was stupidly and horribly mistaken; the other night two of my friends sat me down and had an intervention.

I'm "not the same"
I'm "not Charlie"
I'm "here, but not fully"
I'm "more negative than [I've] ever been"
I'm "in deep"
I "need professional help"

This is not surprising. I feel different, I don't feel like myself. I feel like a ghost. I can't see the good in anything right now. I do need help. I've felt this way for a while.

What perplexes me is that these feelings of mine have breached the surface. They've come out of me and are repelling the people I love from me. I can't believe they are affecting the few relationships I have right now...even Jade.

I guess this is what you'd call a red flag.

Going big.

Much to my amazement, the idea of a charity ultimate frisbee tournament is slowly becoming a reality.

When I first pitched my idea to my friend and mentor, Carlos Devitis, I was kind of discouraged. Not because he condemned my dream - he thought it was a great goal - but because he warned me that a task this size would be challenging and would require a lot of work; there's a lot to go in to something like this. If you know anything about me, you know I tend to get overwhelmed and discouraged by large tasks....

But thank God for His provision; He's placed three very important people - a trinity, if you will - in my life who can help me get this going.

1. Shiloh Hurst - one of the creators of the Dance-A-Thon, experienced in organizing events, getting donations and managing logistics
2. Caleb Denecour - weathered ultimate frisbee player, experience in tournaments, connections to teams, organizations etc.
3. Ruby Jacques - philanthropist, knowledge of social issues, connections to Anti-Human Trafficking resources (experts, non-profits etc.)

I have a meeting with Caleb and Shiloh this Thursday.

Go big or go home

There's been a rising trend of Human Trafficking awareness, especially in the American Church. My church, Peninsula Covenant, is hardly a stranger to the altruistic bandwagon. Last summer we did this whole series on what Christ-followers should stand for, including justice for the oppressed. Our topic of choice was none other than the trafficking of human beings.

We learned A LOT about the whole issue:
- 27 million slaves (more victims today than all the victims in the centuries of trans-Atlantic slave trade in the colonial era)
- 80% female, 50% legal minors
- Second fastest growing income for organized crime
- Generates $31 billion annually
- Used for Prostitution, Manual Labor Agricultural workers, Domestic workers, Child soldiers etc.
- CALIFORNIA IS AN INTERNATIONAL HUB FOR TRAFFICKED INDIVIDUALS, SPECIFICALLY THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA.

As you can imagine, the revelation that slavery was happening in our own backyards was at the very least disturbing to many people in my congregation. One question burned on every heart who sat in the pews every Sunday: what can I do?

In October of 2008, two of my friends did something. Shiloh Hurst and Hannah Denecour combined their love of dance with God's heart for justice. These young ladies organized a 5 hour Dance-A-Thon (whatever the hell that is) to raise money to fight against modern slaver. They got a bunch of people from school and church and whatnot to collect pledges for dancing a certain amount of hours at this little shindig.

So I stopped by after my night class and - let me tell you - it was quite the party! Our DJ friend Alex was at the turn tables and a crowd of sweaty teenagers adorned with glow-sticks were tearin' up on the floor. They had a strobe light, a disco ball, lights, the works. I managed to catch the "salsa" and "techno" sessions.

According to International Justice Mission it takes $1,000 to successfully emancipate a slave and keep them out of forced labor. More specifically, it costs $1,000 to locate and liberate a slave, teach them a trade (for hope of a better job) and perform any legal action necessary regarding the "owners."

At the end of the night, Shiloh and Hannah managed to raise $3,100...
They freed 3 people from slavery! By DANCING.

(For more info about the Dance-a-thon, check out the December 2008 issue of the Spectrum: http://www.spectrummagazine.net/)

This account gives me so much hope. It shows that we can make a difference. "We" meaning anyone. So why not? What else can be done? Not only for the cause against human trafficking, but for world hunger, or the AIDS epidemic, or clean water, or genocide?

I want to do something. I've always wanted to do something bigger than myself. I never knew what I would do, but now I've got an idea:
Charity ultimate Frisbee tournament. Recruited teams would play for a donated prize, but entrance fees and optional pledges (money per points scored) would go straight to a cause. Think of the possibilities.


One of my best friends, Steve, is an amazing guitarist. He's been playing for years and he LOVES music. He also loves Jesus. He wants to get some bands - big, small, obscure, mainstream - together to organize a benefit show to raise money and awareness. Steve wants to expose both the darkness in our world, but also God's weapons - His people - against it. He's shooting for next summer. Get ready.

Three people's lives were changed forever because two young women got a bunch of teenagers to DANCE. What kind of difference could be made from a bunch of people tossing around a frisbee? What change could be inspired in the midst of a mosh pit? Time will only tell.

Looking back. Part 2

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I definitely feel like God is working in me. One exceptionally prominent concept He's been putting on my heart is to have faith in Him and not in people. It is Jesus who saves and satisfies me. It is Jesus who protects and provides, heals and restores, teaches and guides me. NOT any human.

Staying home for school came with a huge price: loneliness. Community College students SUCK. Myself included, for not being the change I wish to see. I've never seen a more anti-social group of people in my life. Everyone at Cañada College is in the their own little world, completely oblivious to what lies outside. It's a commuter school: you're in and you're out. Friends are not a priority. Therefore, friends are not to be expected. This was most displeasing, especially since nearly all of my friends had dispersed across the state, the country and even the world. To make things even more challenging, Jade (the love of my life) is on the WRONG side of the U.S. trying out a high-ranking college she never even wanted to go to.
And it just so happened that everyone who stuck around was - on some level - extremely individualistic and solitary. And while we all loved each other very much, we could never become fully unified as the body of Christ. Consequently, I could never get the fellowship and community that my heart longed for. I tried looking elsewhere, but I really couldn't find my "place" anywhere. It's been a lonely year.
Who did stand by me? Jesus did. Who never left my side? Jesus. Who was always there for me? Jesus was. He stays the same, and will remain faithful. (Revelation 1:8)

People aren't perfect. But thank God that He is. For whatever reason, I've become extremely cynical this year. Somehow, I've been able to point out the hideously unacceptable flaws in everything and everyone. One example being my family, another being my friends, and finally my church. I don't wanna go too in to it right now. That's whole other discussion. But in short, I've seen the "dark-side" of a lot of things I truly love - hypocrisy, ignorance, pretension etc - and it's painfully discouraging. But who is good, all the time? Jesus is.

While this year was abundant with new found wisdom and knowledge, I feel like this year went by with startling speed and my college career is gonna pass me up within the blink of an eye. It appears a lot of these lessons were encountered in my mistakes. I slacked off this year in every possible way. I was just tired of trying, of really trying. It took forever to get a rhythm with school, to find a job, to finally shape [somewhat] of a social life, to realize these things I've learned. I don't really know what I'm getting at here...I just feel like life is slipping through my fingertips. I need to slow down.

When I shook my principal's hand one year ago, at my own graduation, I was never so relieved. This huge burden had lifted off my shoulders, because I knew the end of a very dark era in my life was at hand. I was gonna leave all the pain and struggle and depression of high school behind me, because a new beginning was ahead of me. As far as I knew, I was going places. Little did I know that I did not qualify for financial aid and coul not pay for school. Then came Plan B (a.k.a. community college).
I am nowhere near satisfied with where I am right now: at home, going to community college, no community/fellowship, no friends, no girlfriend by my side, monotonous job and the like.

My Lord has been whispering a simple message in my ear all this time:

TRUST ME.
I SEE THE BIG PICTURE.
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
LET ME TAKE THE WHEEL
AND I'LL GET YOU TO WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

Looking back. Part 1

Pictures taken June, 2008

I went to my high school's graduation ceremony the other day, mostly out of boredom and partly out of nostalgia. It was an interesting experience. Not a lot of alumni were there (much to my disappointment) and I didn't really have a lot of friends in the class of 2009. A few teachers seemed happy to see me, but most of them didn't care. Neither did I, to be perfectly honest. Like I said, I didn't really have a good reason to be there.

This was an impromptu decision after I got off work, so I obviously didn't have a seat. I stood in the balcony by the door and eventually moved down to the gallery on the side of the auditorium. Both places had excellent views, I just wish I could have given my knees a rest.

Talk about a flashback. It so surreal to watch this: I remember sitting among my peers in those crappy plastic chairs, clad in the heavy and suffocating gradation robe with the stupid hat. I remember in the moment, it went by so slowly yet gracefully and methodically. They'd call a name. A roar of applause would sound. The student would walk up. Receive diploma - it would actually just be an empty leather binder. Shake hands with the Principal. Photo-op. Sit down. Repeat cycle 100 times and wait for the flood of pretentious bull-crap to pass. Hoot and holler with gusto and throw that hat up victoriously.

A lot of people were crying. I guess I really wasn't feeling the vibe, because watching these little troopers graduate was about as moving as Zoolander and half as entertaining. Although, I must say...it made me think a lot about where I was a year ago, and where I am now.

In some ways, I feel like I'm decades out of high school; I feel different. I've learned so much in the last 12 months. And I'm not just talking academics. Where do I even begin?
Somewhere in my journey through night classes, isolation, elections, parking tickets, protests, depression, block schedules, late fees, homework and "life-guarding"... I feel like I've learned so much about being a Man. My friend Philip summed it up nicely: "Knowing what you gotta do, and just DOING it." It's knowing that I'm not a child anymore. Knowing that I have to take ownership of what I do and that I have to take responsibility. No one is telling me what to do. I just got to know what it is, and do it with all my heart. (Colossians 3:23)

Jesus continues to remind me the importance of keeping a balance in life. The importance of managing time and priorities. Too much of anything is not good. In high school I learned that all work and no play makes Charlie a dull boy. We are human. We are mortal. We have limits. No one can just keep going. Surely you'll self-destruct if you try. You have to be still once in a while. Get some rest. Spend some time just being. Then, go do something you love. Go on an adventure. Be with people you love. Laugh.

Unfortunately, the complete absence of work is just as deadly...if not more. It's not okay to blow off our obligations. How do we expect to get anywhere if we never do things we don't want to? What if we need to? What if it's completely necessary?
Basically, I need to take care of myself AND get stuff done. No easy task. But, my friends, there truly is a time for everything. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

"...you should write a blog!"

...I can't say I fully agree with the above statement.

I've never really liked the idea of "blogging" because I thought it was narcissistic and stupid. Not to say people who blog are those things, but rather the act of blogging itself. Honestly, who seriously cares what my opinion is on...anything? Who am I to have a blog? I'm no one important. Not an author, a speaker, a professor or an expert on anything. I'm a community college student in the Bay Area. Who would care enough to read an online publication about what I think? Clearly, YOU do.

So why do it? Well...

1. As a college student, my life is in transition; I'm going from adolescence to adulthood. I'm going from being dependent to independent. I'm going from academics to application. A new season is dawning, and it's quite overwhelming. It really puts things in perspective; I was a minor JUST a year ago. I was in HIGH SCHOOL! Now I'm legal. Now I'm in college. Now life is about to begin. There's so much change, so many trials and errors, so many lessons to be learned. I feel like talking about what's going on is a good way to process my "journey."
2. As a Christ-Follower, I long for meaning in this life. I don't want to just occupy space, or just go through the motions. I want to make it count. God came into this world to bring me from death to life and out of darkness into light(John 5:24, 1 Peter 2:9). Jesus set me free from what hinders me so I can live into the fullness of the potential He's foretold. I want to be different and I want to make a difference. (Romans 12, Micah 6:8) Doug Fields, this renowned youth pastor I saw at a leadership conference, said in order to do that you have to discover how God's designed you. You have to examine your S.H.A.P.E and apply it to our world. Your "shape" is simply who you are: your spiritual gifts, your passions, talents, personality traits and experiences. Your identity.

Unfortunately, for an introvert, I fall incredibly short when it comes to self-assessment. That's probably where my "moderate" nature comes in. I couldn't tell you with certainty what I'm GOOD at, or what I'm most passionate about, what kind of person I am, or what I've REALLY been through.

Luck for me, I have many authentic and observant companions to help keep me in check. A good friend of mine, Lauren Majewski, suggested that I take advantage of my skills as a writer and put them to use. Hence, the blog.

I don't know where I'm gonna go with this. I guess we will see.