The Lord speaks.
I haven't fully identified God's method of communication in my life, but He's definitely spoke to me through a variety of mediums: people's words, His Word, my environment, internal conviction...and through (often strange, and sometimes cheesy) metaphors.
Once again, I briefly met with my mentor Carlos. I don't know how we got on the topic, but he asked me why I wasn't going on this retreat with my church's Young Adult Ministry to Lake Don Pedro. I didn't want to go in to it, so the short answer to his question was simply that I had chosen not. I didn't want to spend the money, and I didn't like water sports.
You'd think that would be the end of it. Not quite. Carlos invited me in to his office and he put a penny on a table. "This is you..." he said, pointing to the penny."...and this is what you're doing." He produced a small paper cup and put it over the penny. "What's going on here?"
Being the smart-ass I am, I replied that I was under a cup. Carlos ignored that comment and urged me to comply. I tried "isolation", "comfort zones", "narrow-mindedness" and they were not what he was looking for. Those terms were centered on myself, he noted. I was not sure what he was looking for, but the word just popped up in my head: "hiding."
Bingo.
Carlos reminded me how God has created each of us with a purpose. He's planted treasures within us that can only be revealed through engaging in relationship with community. He told me I was an exceptionally wise, discerning young man; I see things clearly with an almost prophetic insight. My authenticity and love for others can change people's lives. Because that's just "the kind of person [I] am." But I have the unfortunate habit of withdrawing from people, therefore I have the habit of denying my creator the opportunity to use me as I've been designed. Not only that, I deny myself the opportunity to learn and grow.
The conclusion to his explanation was simply "stop it."
I was taken aback by this assertion. But after a few minutes, I realized he's not entirely wrong (and I'm not talking about how amazing I am.) I know when I'm not feeling my best - when I'm depressed, or uncomfortable, or tired, or just "not in the mood" - I tend to isolate myself. I don't necessarily know why that is. Probably a method of self-defense. Maybe I don't want people to see me when I'm down. Maybe I just don't want to see them. I don't really know.
Regardless of why, I know I do it. Therefore, there's a very high possibility that I might be missing out on something. The opportunity to love on others, to serve others. The opportunity to learn and to grow as a person.
