Looking back. Part 2

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I definitely feel like God is working in me. One exceptionally prominent concept He's been putting on my heart is to have faith in Him and not in people. It is Jesus who saves and satisfies me. It is Jesus who protects and provides, heals and restores, teaches and guides me. NOT any human.

Staying home for school came with a huge price: loneliness. Community College students SUCK. Myself included, for not being the change I wish to see. I've never seen a more anti-social group of people in my life. Everyone at Cañada College is in the their own little world, completely oblivious to what lies outside. It's a commuter school: you're in and you're out. Friends are not a priority. Therefore, friends are not to be expected. This was most displeasing, especially since nearly all of my friends had dispersed across the state, the country and even the world. To make things even more challenging, Jade (the love of my life) is on the WRONG side of the U.S. trying out a high-ranking college she never even wanted to go to.
And it just so happened that everyone who stuck around was - on some level - extremely individualistic and solitary. And while we all loved each other very much, we could never become fully unified as the body of Christ. Consequently, I could never get the fellowship and community that my heart longed for. I tried looking elsewhere, but I really couldn't find my "place" anywhere. It's been a lonely year.
Who did stand by me? Jesus did. Who never left my side? Jesus. Who was always there for me? Jesus was. He stays the same, and will remain faithful. (Revelation 1:8)

People aren't perfect. But thank God that He is. For whatever reason, I've become extremely cynical this year. Somehow, I've been able to point out the hideously unacceptable flaws in everything and everyone. One example being my family, another being my friends, and finally my church. I don't wanna go too in to it right now. That's whole other discussion. But in short, I've seen the "dark-side" of a lot of things I truly love - hypocrisy, ignorance, pretension etc - and it's painfully discouraging. But who is good, all the time? Jesus is.

While this year was abundant with new found wisdom and knowledge, I feel like this year went by with startling speed and my college career is gonna pass me up within the blink of an eye. It appears a lot of these lessons were encountered in my mistakes. I slacked off this year in every possible way. I was just tired of trying, of really trying. It took forever to get a rhythm with school, to find a job, to finally shape [somewhat] of a social life, to realize these things I've learned. I don't really know what I'm getting at here...I just feel like life is slipping through my fingertips. I need to slow down.

When I shook my principal's hand one year ago, at my own graduation, I was never so relieved. This huge burden had lifted off my shoulders, because I knew the end of a very dark era in my life was at hand. I was gonna leave all the pain and struggle and depression of high school behind me, because a new beginning was ahead of me. As far as I knew, I was going places. Little did I know that I did not qualify for financial aid and coul not pay for school. Then came Plan B (a.k.a. community college).
I am nowhere near satisfied with where I am right now: at home, going to community college, no community/fellowship, no friends, no girlfriend by my side, monotonous job and the like.

My Lord has been whispering a simple message in my ear all this time:

TRUST ME.
I SEE THE BIG PICTURE.
I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
LET ME TAKE THE WHEEL
AND I'LL GET YOU TO WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.