Intervention

de·pres·sion - \di-ˈpresh-ən\ noun an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a (1): a state of feeling sad (2): a mood disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide b: a reduction in functional activity, amount, quality, or force


Depression, I am convinced, runs in my family. My mother, my brother Nick, and many of my extended relatives continuously go through seasons of deep emotional lows. Whether they acknowledge this or not, I know that I definitely struggle with this.

People who are depressed aren't just sad. It's not something one can just "shake off" or "get over." Our emotional state is controlled by the delivery of chemicals called neurotransmitters to various parts of our brain. These chemicals have stimuli, and they make us feel a certain way. When someone is depressed, these regulatory hormones do not function properly and therefore throws one's mood out of balance - usually to a negative extreme.

According to the Mayo Clinic, certain factors predispose people to the susceptibility this mental condition:

• Having other biological relatives with depression
• Having family members who have taken their own life
• Stressful life events (financial, relational, medical etc.)
  
• Having a depressed mood as a youngster
• Illness, such as cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer's or HIV/AIDS
• Long-term use of certain medications, such as some drugs used to control high blood pressure, sleeping pills or, occasionally, birth control pills
• Certain personality traits, such as having low self-esteem and being overly dependent, self-critical or pessimistic
• Alcohol, nicotine and drug abuse
• Having recently given birth
• Being in a lower socioeconomic group

*red = my own experiences

I've struggled with depression for about 3 years, beginning in my junior year of high school. (That's when I first noticed it) In the beginning, it was because I was overworked and felt like my life was too one-dimensional; ALL I did in my last two years of high school was homework. My life was centered around school, and I hated that something so temporary and trivial to the big picture governed my life.

Now, it's because I'm unsatisfied with where I am. Life is a lot more balanced, but I feel like it lacks meaning and healthy relationship. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and doing so with no one by my side. For a more in depth explanation, go to "Looking Back Part 2"

This struggle has always been internal. I would very carefully seek advice and prayer from others, but I would try so hard not seek their shoulder to cry on. Whining and moaning might have been my initial response, but somewhere along the line, I concluded people didn't wanna hear about it. Maybe because I didn't wanna hear about it. Regardless, I never thought this inner battle was ever waged beyond the confines of my own brain.

Apparently, I was stupidly and horribly mistaken; the other night two of my friends sat me down and had an intervention.

I'm "not the same"
I'm "not Charlie"
I'm "here, but not fully"
I'm "more negative than [I've] ever been"
I'm "in deep"
I "need professional help"

This is not surprising. I feel different, I don't feel like myself. I feel like a ghost. I can't see the good in anything right now. I do need help. I've felt this way for a while.

What perplexes me is that these feelings of mine have breached the surface. They've come out of me and are repelling the people I love from me. I can't believe they are affecting the few relationships I have right now...even Jade.

I guess this is what you'd call a red flag.